How not to be single

Schalom!

Here in Zion there are lots of single girls. I've got no problem with single girls. In fact, I hope to change the status of one of them at some point. The problem that I have is that many of these single Meydels are so unhappy with their singleheit that they kvetch about it all the time. A girl recently told me about a roommate of hers who spent her Friday nights at home crying because she didn't have dates. She then proceeded to tell me and several other upstanding gentlemen that we should be ashamed of ourselves for allowing this to happen. Meh, I say! Shame on her for allowing it to happen to herself!

Let me explain. I think that lots of scheyne Meydels just don't make an effort, so they get stuck being alone on the weekends. So, here it comes, directly from the source of all wisdom related to life in Eretz Provo. The Mormonides Brothers proudly present: How Not to Be Single (The original title, "how to make enough of an effort that if you are still lonely you have a right to complain about it, but please not to us" was just a bit too long).

First, whenever in mixed company, sit next to at least one boy. This one will take some work because it is against everything you have been practicing for years. When a group of friends of mixed genders goes to a movie, for example, the girls all bunch into one or two groups, leaving only the ones on the ends available for sitting next to boys. The only way you are ever going to get a guy to ask you out on a date is if you show him that you are fun, and he won't see that you are fun if you are stuck there between Rachel and Sarah.

Second, be flexible in your non-dating plans. I knew a girl, Judith, who was upset that she didn't get asked out much, so she and her girlfriends would get together every Friday and Saturday night to watch Friends (bad enough that they would watch that Dreck...) and bemoan the fact that they were all single. I thought Judith was a nice girl, so I asked her out. She refused, because she and the girls were going to be busy with an all-weekend kvetch-a-thon. I kid you not. No time for a date because Judith had to spend the weekend talking to Rebecca and Deborah about how boys don't like her. So, girls, just a tip: if you want to date, you have to be willing to reschedule girl time.

Third and last, sometimes you have to do the hard part yourself. If you make yourself available and nobody comes knocking, you might have to do the unthinkable and ask a guy yourself. Let me dispel a myth. Are you ready? Guys are not magically endowed with an ability to ask girls out on dates. The only advantage we have is practice. Guys are used to asking and, more importantly, we are more used to getting turned down. It's not the end of the world if you ask a guy out and he says no. Ask somebody else. It's not the end of the world if he says yes, but never calls you for another date. I know it's hard. Trust me, I know. But who says that only guys can ask out on a date? If you're not on a date, and you want to be on a date, there's only one way to take care of that.

Well, there you have it. How not to be single. If you follow all these steps and still don't have a date, you can feel free to complain. Just not to me. One last tip before I go: if you are going to kvetch to a guy about it, make sure he wasn't also alone that weekend. Nothing worse than hearing that you called every guy you could possibly consider going on a date with but still couldn't find one, while the guy you were talking to would have gone in a heartbeat.

Then again, none of us should be going out on Friday night anyway- it's not good to defile the Shabbat like that.

So, till next time, zay gezunt!

Herschel

Thinking is thinking

Yesterday was a very busy Sabbath, but today things have calmed down enough to give me some time to post the second thought that I had, albeit a day later than expected. In Sunday School we were talking about the fact that God has encouraged us as Saints to get as much education as we can, including a secular education. I have heard (and said) many reasons for this, but today I stumbled upon a new one. It sounds so simple, but it was an insight to me. It is this: Thinking is Thinking.

Let me explain, lest you think I am a Dumkop. The process of thinking is the same, whether you are thinking about the Gospel, sociology, astrophysics, whatever. Thinking is thinking, regardless of what one is thinking about. Thinking also takes practice. The more you think, the easier it is (which is, incidentally, why I feel that today's youth are a bunch of nogoodniks, but that's another kvetch for another day).

I think that the reason the Lord wants us to get an education is because the deep things of the Gospel are so complex, that unless we practice by thinking about comparatively simple things, like thermodynamics or vector calculus (which are truly simple by comparison), we will never be able to understand the complexities of the Gospel.

I am not saying that our studies of the Gospel should focus solely on having an academic understanding of holy things, but I do think that to truly believe in something and have perfect faith, we have to understand what it is that we believe in.

So, there you have it. Think. If we think enough we may just get smarter, alevai.

Herschel

What's your Christian Number?

Today I had two interesting ideas, so maybe I will have two interesting posts. Or maybe one interesting post and one boring one. Or maybe I will get bored before I finish and only do one post. So many possibilities.

Today we read in 1 Corinthians about how the people were dividing themselves into groups, some claiming to be of Christ, some of Paul, some of Cephas, and some of Apollos (see 1:12). I have always seen this as a division of time of membership, meaning that those who were "of Christ" were converted in the times of Christ, while those of Paul were converted later when Paul came to preach at Corinth, etc.

Today this passage struck me more as a system of "Christian Numbers." Those who were taught by Christ had a Christian Number of 1, while those who were taught by either Paul or Cephas (a.k.a. Simon a.k.a. Peter) had Christian Numbers of 2, because each of these men was taught by Christ Himself. The Christian Number for Apollos gets a bit more tricky, but as near as I can tell, it is 3 (giving those he taught a Number of 4), because Apollos was taught by Aquila, who (it seems to me) was taught by Paul, who was converted by Christ Himself.

This idea of Christain Numbers is a very interesting one. If this is, in fact, the reason behind the divisions, it would teach us a great deal about their beliefs. I will leave most of the details of what it teaches us to you to decide for yourself, or maybe I'll just do it in another post another day. What I do want to mention is where I see this idea cropping up in the modern church.

In our parents' and grandparents' generations something very similar seemed to be widespread in the Church. They wanted Nauvoo Numbers ("My Grandpa lived in Nauvoo") or Joseph Smith Numbers ("My Uncle heard a sermon directly from Joseph") or any of a wide variety of connections to people and places in what was then recent Church History.

Now we do it with apocryphal doctrine ("Well, my friend heard in a religion class at BYU that the Narrow Neck of Land was Panama" " Oh yeah? I heard at institute that the whole thing took place on the Yucatan Peninsula"). My point, and Paul's point, is that none of that matters. The foundation is Christ, and we shouldn't try to justify our views by trying to see whose has the lowest Christian Number. That is not what is important.

I don't intend to end on what feels like kind of a harsh note, but that is all I have to say on this subject.

Zay gezunt

Herschel